Maybe you’re having the same argument on a loop, or you’ve drifted into living more like flatmates than partners. Maybe something’s been broken by an affair, or by a loss, or by a change that knocked you off balance: a new baby, an empty house, a bereavement. Maybe the closeness has slipped away and neither of you knows how to find your way back to it.
Relationship counselling is a space to slow that down and understand what’s happening between you. Not to assign blame, and not to be told what you’re doing wrong, but to see the pattern the two of you are caught in, and whether there’s a way through it that works for both of you.
What relationship counselling actually is
Most people picture being sat down and referred, or handed techniques to take away and perform at home. That’s not how I work. What we’re really looking at is what happens between the two of you: the felt sense of each other, the moments where one of you reaches, and the other can’t quite meet it, the old patterns that fire before either of you has chosen anything.
I don’t treat your relationship as a fault to be corrected. I treat it as something alive in the room, with its own history and its own logic, that the two of you can come to understand together. When you can see what you’re both doing, and why, something starts to shift on its own.
My approach: two of you, and the relationship between you
A lot of couples work sets out to smooth two people into agreement, as if the goal were to want the same things and react the same way. I work the other way round. The aim isn’t to dissolve the differences between you; it’s for each of you to hold onto yourself clearly enough that you can actually meet the other person, rather than just react to them.
This is what’s sometimes called differentiation: being able to stay close without losing yourself, and stay yourself without losing the closeness. When one of you can hold steady instead of being pulled into the usual back and forth, the whole pattern between you has a chance to change.
It also means I treat the relationship as a third presence in the room, alongside the two of you. Not your problems to be fixed one by one, but the living thing between you that you’ve built together and can rebuild. That’s a different starting point from work that treats difficulty as a set of symptoms to manage, and it’s the heart of how I practise.
Is it too late, and do we both have to come?
By the time people book, one or both of them is often wondering if there’s any point, whether too much has happened, whether the distance has gone too far. I can’t promise an outcome, and I wouldn’t trust anyone who did. What I can say is that the situation usually isn’t as fixed as it feels from inside it. A pattern that’s run for years can still shift once you can both see it clearly, and plenty of couples find their way back to something good from a place that felt finished.
Ideally you come together, since the work is about what happens between you. But it isn’t always possible, and it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. If your partner’s reluctant, or not ready, starting on your own is better than not starting; one person changing how they show up already changes the pattern. We can talk about what makes sense for your situation on the phone before anything’s decided.
Affair recovery and rebuilding trust
An affair throws everything into question at once: what was real, what to tell people, whether to stay, whether trust can ever come back. In the early weeks it can feel like there’s no solid ground left to stand on. That’s a normal response to a real rupture, not a sign you’re handling it badly.
The work isn’t about rushing to put it behind you, and it isn’t about going over the details forever either. It’s about understanding what happened, on both sides, and what the relationship was doing before it happened, without that ever becoming an excuse. Trust rebuilds slowly, through what you each do over time, not through a single conversation. Some couples come through this closer than they were; some decide to part with more understanding than they started with. Either way, you don’t have to work it out alone.
Working together, in person or online
I see couples in person at my room in Bude, and online across the UK. The in-person work draws people from across North Cornwall and the surrounding area: Stratton, Holsworthy, Kilkhampton, Widemouth Bay, Camelford, Bideford, Launceston, and the villages in between. If you’re closer to the screen than the coast, online works just as well for couples; what matters is that you’re both there and willing to look at things together.
There’s no wrong way in. Some couples know straight away they want to sit in a room together; others find it easier to start online and see how it feels. We can work out what suits you when we speak.
Fees – In person, Bude
- Individuals £60
- Couples £95
- Children and young people £40
My fees for working in person in Bude are lower than my online fees, and that’s on purpose. Cornwall is one of the lower-income parts of the country, and I don’t want the cost to be the thing that stops a local person from sitting in the room with me.
Fees – Online, UK
- Individuals £75
- Couples £120
Common questions
Do you see couples in person, or online?
Both. I see couples in my room in Bude, and online across the UK. Some couples do a mix, in person when they can manage it, online when that’s easier. What matters more than the format is that you’re both there and willing to look at things together.
What actually happens in a first session?
We’ll talk about what’s brought you here and what you’re each hoping might change. I’m listening for what’s happening between you, not taking a case history. It’s as much you finding out whether this feels right as it is me getting a sense of things.
What if only one of us wants to come?
I’d need to see you together rather than starting with one of you alone. If I’ve already worked with one of you individually, I can’t then take you on as a couple, I’d refer you on for that. So if you’re both even slightly open to it, coming to that first session together is the way in.
How long does this usually take, and how often do we need to come?
There’s no fixed length. Weekly to start, usually 90 minutes, gives us room to get properly into things. Once you’re in a flow, some couples move to 60 minutes or space out to fortnightly. How long the whole process takes depends on what you’re working with.
Is this the same as the Gottman Method or other structured approaches?
No. I don’t work from a set method or a programme of exercises. My approach is relational and differentiation-led: working with what’s actually happening between the two of you, so you can stay yourselves and still be close. Change comes from what shifts between you, not from following a rule book.
Not sure if it’s right for you? Let’s talk first.
The best way to find out whether we’re a good fit is with a free phone call. No cost, no pressure, just a chance to tell me what’s going on and ask anything you want before you decide. If it feels right, we book a first session from there.