How Close do You Feel Right Now?

If you’re feeling distant from your partner, it can be hard to put into words what’s changed. This free exercise gives you a simpler way in: you each pick a picture that fits how close, or how far apart, the two of you feel today. There’s no right shape; the one you reach for is the start of the conversation.

What the exercise involves

You can do this on your own or together. On your own, you pick the picture that best fits the connection as you see it right now, and sit with what that brings up. Together, you each choose privately, one after the other, without seeing the other’s pick, and then you look at where you both landed. Either way there’s nothing to score and nothing to get right. You’re choosing an image, not filling in a test, and you can always change your mind.

When you’re feeling distant from your partner

Reach for it when something feels off but you can’t quite name it. Maybe you’ve drifted since a baby, a house move, or a long stretch of work, and you’re living more like flatmates than a couple. Maybe you keep starting the same conversation and it keeps going nowhere. Choosing a picture can say what a sentence won’t, and it gives you both somewhere honest to begin.

What to expect

Often the interesting part is the gap: you pictured things one way, your partner pictured them another. That difference isn’t a problem to fix on the spot; it’s information about how each of you is experiencing the relationship right now. Let it open a conversation rather than settle an argument. If you’re doing it on your own, notice what the image stirs, and what you’d want your partner to understand about it.

An image of two circular stones with a wall and a pathway between them, illustrating how you may bge feeling distant from your partner

Your privacy

Nothing you choose is saved or sent anywhere. The exercise runs in your browser, keeps no record, and is free to use as often as you like. You can open it full screen in its own tab using the button below, so you’ve both got room to look properly.

Find out More

If a distance keeps opening up between you, however hard you try to close it, that’s usually about a pattern rather than any single issue, and it’s the kind of thing couples counselling can help with. You’re welcome to get in touch or read about online couples counselling. You might also like Couples Connection, for small ways back towards each other, or the Window of Tolerance check-in, for working out whether you’re both in a place to talk. The rest of the free tools are there too.