Online Counselling for Men Across the UK

Most men who contact me have been carrying something on their own for a long time. Sometimes it’s anger that’s started to cost more than it used to. Sometimes it’s a flatness that’s moved in where feeling used to be, or a sense that you’re doing everything right and still a long way from the people who matter. Often a partner has said something, a GP has, or you’ve noticed you can’t keep going the way you have been.

I offer online counselling for men anywhere in the UK via video during weekday daytime hours. You don’t need to know what’s wrong or have the words for it. The first step is a free phone call, and that’s all.

What men bring to counselling

Anger is one of the most common. Many men learned early that it was the one feeling they were allowed, so it ends up carrying the hurt, fear and shame that never got a name. I’ve written more about that in men with anger issues.

Others come with a low mood that doesn’t look like the depression they’ve read about: tired, irritable, switched off, going through the motions. Midlife often brings it to the surface, and I’ve written about that in this article. Some come with social anxiety: the dread before a meeting or a gathering, the replaying afterwards, a life slowly narrowing to what feels safe. And plenty come with relationships: a marriage that’s gone distant, a breakup, being a father, or being a father’s son.

You don’t have to fit any of these. They’re just what comes up most.

Why men often leave it late

Most of us were taught, at home, at school and among other boys, that a man copes. You handle it, you don’t make a fuss, and if something’s wrong, you sort it out yourself. That works up to a point. Then it stops working, and by then it’s often been years too long.

So men tend to get in touch later than they might, and often only once things have got bad. Getting in touch earlier makes practical sense, like with anything else that matters: the car, the roof, your health.

How I work: relational, not a quick fix

A lot of the help on offer to men is about controlling symptoms: techniques for the anger, strategies for the anxiety, a plan to get you functioning again. Those have their place. They’re not what I do.

I work relationally. That means paying attention to what happens between us in the session, and to the patterns that show up with the people closest to you, because that’s where most of this was learned and it’s where it tends to change. A man doesn’t usually change how he handles anger by reading about it. He changes by being angry, or frightened, or embarrassed in front of someone who stays, and then trying a bit of that at home.

I won’t measure you against how a man’s supposed to be, and I won’t hand you worksheets. Whatever you bring, I’ll take it seriously, and not much will surprise me.

Online, in the daytime, from your own space

We meet by video call. All you need is somewhere private for the hour and a decent connection. Plenty of men find it easier to start this way: no waiting room, nobody seeing you walk in, and you’re on your own ground.

I keep weekday daytime hours for individual work. That tends to suit men who work from home, are self-employed, work shifts, are between jobs or retired, or who’d rather fit a session into the working day than give up an evening at home. We’ll find a regular time on the free phone call.

Who you’d be working with

I’m John Walter, a counsellor and psychotherapist based in Bude, Cornwall, accredited with the NCPS (MNCPS(acc)). Counselling is the latest part of around forty years of working with people: a therapeutic community, teaching, foster parenting, and men’s work since the 1990s, including men’s groups, storytelling, wilderness work and drumming. Men’s mental health, and the way men are brought up to handle what they feel, has run through my working life for a long time.

If it matters to you that your counsellor is a man, there’s more on that on my male counsellor online page. You can also read more about me.