By focusing on your well-being you can reduce stress and maybe even feel refreshed after the holiday.
If you are a mamber of Medium please read it here John Walter 📣
Have you got a way of blocking out all the seasonal stress and noise that has a negative effect on your well-being? Are you able to plan your time, foresee obstacles and sidestep them? Can you recognise those feelings of guilt and responsibility and consign them to the recycling bin?
Firstly let’s look at some of the things that may be causing stress.
You may like to give each a score of 0–5
0 means that it causes no stress at all
5 means it causes extreme stress.
This list was generated by ChatGPT which is good at that sort of thing.
- Gift Shopping and Wrapping: Selecting and purchasing gifts for family and friends, followed by the task of wrapping them.
- Decorating: Putting up holiday decorations both inside and outside the home, which may include setting up a Christmas tree, hanging lights, and other festive decor.
- Meal Planning and Cooking: Preparing and cooking holiday meals for gatherings, which often involves planning a menu, grocery shopping, and spending time in the kitchen.
- Hosting or Attending Events: Arranging and hosting holiday gatherings, parties, or dinners, or attending such events hosted by others.
- Travel Planning: Coordinating and planning travel arrangements if you’re visiting family or friends or hosting guests during the holiday season.
- Holiday Cards and Correspondence: Sending out holiday cards or newsletters to friends and family, which may involve taking family photos, writing personalized messages, and addressing envelopes.
- Charitable Activities: Participating in or organizing charitable activities, such as volunteering at a local shelter, donating to food drives, or contributing to other community initiatives.
- Winterizing the Home: Taking care of tasks related to winter weather, such as ensuring the home is well-insulated, preparing for potential snow or cold weather, and maintaining outdoor spaces.
- Cultural or Religious Observances: Participating in religious or cultural activities associated with the winter holidays, which may include attending services, ceremonies, or other traditional events.
- Budgeting and Financial Planning: Managing finances to accommodate holiday-related expenses, including gifts, decorations, travel, and entertaining.
- Gift Exchanges: Participating in gift exchanges at workplaces, social groups, or with extended family members.
- School and Community Events: Attending or organizing events at schools or within the community, such as holiday concerts, plays, or parades.
- Reflection and Gratitude: Taking time for personal reflection, expressing gratitude, and setting intentions for the upcoming year.
- Health and Wellness: Prioritizing self-care and maintaining physical and mental well-being amidst the busyness of the season.
If you scored below 10 you needn’t bother reading the rest of this article. You are obviously having a great time, keep it up.
If you scored 60 to 70 you need more help than this article can adequately provide. Maybe find a therapist.
Anything between 10 and 60 you can probably tweak it a bit and give yourself a much easier time. Read on for some tips.
First Step: Stop doing things that aren’t working for you.
Maybe identify the top three things on this list.
These things are not working for you. If something is not working for you then you should consider stopping it or changing it in some way so that it does work for you.
For example: For years big family gatherings have not worked for me for a variety of reasons. Through illness, I lost hearing in one ear so a room full of chattering relations is completely exhausting to me. I can only hold a conversation 1 to 1 by cupping my hand around my ear and lip reading to try and decipher the one voice above all the background noise.
I have a big family so trying to speak individually with up to 35 people was impossible. My first strategy was to tell myself that talking one-on-one with my mum and dad was the priority. A conversation with anyone else would be a bonus. This worked for a couple of years.
I then had a personal bereavement and being in a room with lots of joking and present-giving became a stressful ordeal. This year I have decided to go on holiday abroad for the whole two weeks. Job done, stressful family parties no longer possible.
Second step: Do more of the things that are working for you.
Identify the things on your list that scored 0. They cause you no stress at all. Do more of them. Ramp them up. Make this part of the holiday your specialism, your sweet spot.
For me, it is cooking. I love getting a big meal together, the planning, the execution and sitting down together to enjoy it, all bring me joy. One year I found myself making chocolate truffles by hand for everyone. It killed two birds with one stone. I hated buying and organising presents. I loved making handmade chocolates, learning a new skill and executing it.
Third Step: Deal with the fallout of stopping doing something you have done for years.
You may find obstacles in your way. You may have guilt, voices telling you that you are upsetting others, and others blaming you for upsetting them. This is all noise. If you are reducing your stress levels then there is nothing but good that can come from that.
Guilt is something generated by your inner critic. Ask that voice to take a holiday too. Maybe give your inner critic permission to take a holiday.
“Hey, critical judgemental voice in my head! Take a break, you deserve it, you’ve been working overtime we all deserve some time off.”
Another part of the fallout that may occur is that there could be parts of you that were in a way getting their needs met by being stressed out over the Christmas Season. It could be a pattern of survival you created within your family during childhood. You have been repeating this pattern unconsciously ever since.
Changing a lifelong pattern of relating is bound to bring with it some withdrawal symptoms. Recognise them for what they are and keep focused on doing the things you want to do and not doing the things you don’t want to do. If you find the stress creeping back in, change your tactic in some way.
Notes about planning and foreseeing obstacles.
I have worked with a few clients on this part of the process. They describe family events they feel obliged to attend and then feeling trapped in this space where someone may be drinking excessively and becoming obnoxious, or a judgemental relation is haranguing them with bigoted views or a parent is talking to them as if they were still 12 years old and not a fully functioning adult.
What we work on is a strategy to attend the event in a way that fulfils your feeling of obligation, but gives you a get-out clause as soon as you feel those elements of stress or discomfort creeping in.
One very simple solution might be rather than sharing a ride to an event or offering a lift to another member of the family, to drive there alone. This means you can leave whenever you are ready to and don’t have to wait around for someone else.
You might want to pre-prepare an exit excuse. In my case, I feel perfectly happy sharing a downright lie.
“Sorry, I have to go to meet — —. It’s the only time we could both fit in. Bye”
Embrace the Joyful season
I encourage you to put your well-being at the top of your priority list. You have no responsibility to keep others happy and attempting to can be a never-ending and ultimately fruitless task.
Focusing on your own feelings of peace and well-being permits others to do the same. Follow some of the strategies above and you may discover that you can embrace the qualities of peace and goodwill that are supposed to be embedded in the season.
Remember if you only change one small thing this year, next year you can build on that. Striking a balance between compassion for others and self-care is key, allowing you to foster genuine connections without compromising your mental and emotional health.
I wish you a peaceful and rejuvenating holiday.
I welcome feedback in the comments below.