Figure 1A person covered in band-aids and plasters. Image created digitally by the author.
A common thread with all my clients is that they are looking for long term impactful change. They don’t want to be patched up and sent on their way only to fall back into old habits a month or so down the line. Many have had counselling or psychotherapy before with mixed results – some found it partially effective, while others felt it was a waste of time.
Imagine Diana, a fictional character who suffered traumatic abuse as a child. She had been given counselling and referred to various specialist agencies over a twenty-year period but none of this had stopped her mental health deteriorating and her relationships ending in disaster. She finally sought a more enduring solution with a therapist who would not just focus on the trauma she had suffered but help her consider all the ups and downs of her life, rediscover her sense of self and create a hopeful future.
So how do you find a therapist who will work with you effectively to bring about long-term change? There is a lot of confusion over the titles and distinctions within mental health services. Long term Therapy is quite often referred to as psychotherapy. The terms ‘Psychotherapist’ and ‘Counsellor’ are not legally defined in the UK. You could find a Psychotherapist who specialises in short term therapy or a Counsellor skilled in long term approaches amongst a whole rainbow of variations on this theme.
Figure 2A row of therapists setting out their stalls. Image created digitally by the author.
The qualification or the title is not the important factor. More important is that the therapist is working holistically with you, addressing the cognitive aspects but looking beyond that. Helping you to see how you have developed as a complex human. Helping you to achieve harmonic balance between the mental, physical, emotional and spiritual parts of yourself.
For financial reasons, a lot of the therapy provided by the NHS and insurance companies is limited and short-term provision, so it may be that to get what you need you will have to look to the private sector. There are also some specialised charities which offer low-cost provision.
Over a forty-year period, I have worked with a host of different therapists, I’ve worked with shamans and spiritualists, somatic therapists and business coaches, a psychoanalyst and a past life therapist. I’ve done breathwork and rebirthing, CBT and hypnotherapy and gone on rites of passage adventures. I’ve chanted to a host of deities, taken part in trance drumming and dance, and become part of communities verging on the cult-like.
Figure 3A drummer in a drumcircle. Image created digitally by the author.
All these experiences gave me a little nudge in some direction or other but there are three experiences that stand out in bringing about permanent change:
- In 1985, I visited a humanistic therapist weekly for a period of two years. This launched me into a process of living a life I loved.
- I became a volunteer counsellor with a local Hospice and became part of the most extraordinary supervision group I have ever experienced.
- I began working with my current personal counsellor in May 2021 and have seen her fortnightly for around 60 sessions.
These three experiences were and are effective because I felt seen and accepted by the others involved, and in that process, I have been able to see and accept myself. I have been able to remove the quick-fix band-aids applied to myself over the years and tend to the wounds they were covering up. I have come to know parts of myself that were hidden from view. I now have a sense of my authentic self, which is aware of those other parts but not driven by them.
If you are looking for someone to work with you in this way, you might look out for the words holistic, humanistic, integrative, pluralistic and eclectic. Once you have identified a therapist who might fit the bill, ask questions about how they would work with you. If you get the feeling they have a pet therapeutic approach or formula, they will try to fit you into, then move on. If they suggest they will follow your lead and work with you to find a suitable approach, then you are probably in the right place.
I wish you all the best on your journey.