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Tag: mental health

The Art of Kintsugi: Healing Through Acceptance
How the Japanese Practice of Golden Repair Guides Us Toward Wholeness and Transformation

First Published on Medium 18/12/2024 John Walter 📣Therapy and creativity

Image created by the author using Midjourney

Kintsugi is an art form that celebrates breakage and repair as part of an object’s history rather than as something to disguise.

As a therapist specializing in trauma, I often work with individuals who have reached a crisis point after trying to hide or suppress their traumatic experiences.

Healing begins when we explore the emotions surrounding these events and understand that embracing our authentic selves involves acknowledging the learning and growth that come from processing these feelings.

Like with Kintsugi, we acknowledge our history as an integral part of ourselves.

I had the experience of losing my daughter to suicide six years ago. It catapulted me into almost constant therapy for recovery, but it also became a wake-up call and launched me into training as a counsellor. An act of extreme trauma also became a point of transformation in my personal journey.

What is Kintsugi?

screenshot from wikipedia re Kintsugi

Behind Kintsugi is Wabi-sabi, a Japanese philosophy that finds beauty in imperfection, impermanence and authenticity. Kintsugi is the art of repairing broken pottery with a lacquer mixed with gold, silver, or platinum. Something broken becomes celebrated as an art form.

We can learn to see our “cracks” and “scars” not as defects to be ashamed of or hidden but as unique parts of ourselves which have contributed to our growth.

The process of healing ourselves can be compared to repairing broken pottery with precious metals. By celebrating the scars that come from healing trauma, we honour our history as an integral part of who we are. This perspective allows us to embrace our imperfections, recognize our resilience, and find beauty in our journey toward wholeness.

Image by the author

What are your broken pieces?

Do you hide them away or accept them as part of your rich history? Have you a trauma, a loss or a significant life transition point that could do with being re-examined and polished up?

There is a perceived stigma in society around imperfections and vulnerability. Social media promotes a particular idea of perfection, flawless appearances, unerring decisions and emotional invincibility. This becomes a pressure that leads us to hide parts of our true selves, fearing judgement and rejection.

We use terms like “dark secrets” or “skeletons in the cupboard” to describe parts of ourselves that must be kept secret from others.

Being abandoned

My first wife left me in true abandonment style back in the 70s at the ripe old age of 24. No note, no attempt at contact, just an empty flat when I returned home one night and the bizarre experience of being contacted by a local solicitor a year later to sign divorce papers.

My confidence was knocked for six. I had no idea anything was wrong. We ate food together, slept and had sex together. What was missing? Obviously, something was missing for my wife, but she chose to leave without explanation rather than articulate it.

I quickly drowned my sorrows with excessive drinking and fairly wild sexual adventures. I was ashamed of not being what a husband should be, yet I had absolutely no idea of what that was. I tried to put a brave face on as if I was having the time of my life, but the truth was I was broken and struggling from day to day.

Images created by the author.

Kintsugi and the therapeutic process

Kintsugi:
1. Find the broken pieces
2. Prepare them for repair
3. Apply the gold lacquer and glue them back in place
4. Allow time for drying and setting
5. Polish the finished article
Therapy:
1. Recognise the hidden and broken parts of ourselves
2. Seek help through therapy, support groups or self-reflection
3. Accepting our history, developing self-compassion, and choosing a new pathway.
4. Allowing time and space for healing to take place
5. Get used to living as your new authentic self
The things to watch out for

Unlike Kintsugi, the therapeutic process is not singularly linear. With a ceramic pot, you would gather everything together at the start and work through each stage with all the parts.

In therapy, it is more likely to be a process where each broken part becomes visible and is processed individually to some degree. Spurred on by your success with one issue, you reach back, and another becomes visible.

Is it ever complete?

There is usually a constant supply of difficult circumstances in life. With each episode, we develop resilience and self-awareness. The more we work towards living authentically, the more we notice places where we unconsciously hold ourselves back.

Looking at My School Days in a New Light

One piece of my life that remained unexplored for many years was my journey through grammar school. Society viewed it as a failure, and so did I. Now, as I pick up those memories and polish them off, I see them quite differently, much like a Kintsugi repair that transforms brokenness into beauty.

I entered Year 7 at age 11, was at the top of my class and was captain of the rugby team. However, I was also hyperactive and quite confrontational, always wanting explanations for everything. At the time, these behaviours were seen as symptoms of anxiety, and I was treated with strong sedatives that effectively switched my brain off. Even when the medication ended, I remained disengaged. It seemed that was what they wanted: a compliant student who didn’t question the system.

I went through the motions, attending classes but not truly participating, and left school at 18 with a tattered collection of qualifications. For years, I saw this as a personal failure. But now, reexamining this “broken” piece of my past, I realize that I inadvertently gave myself space to explore my interests and passions by not fully engaging with the socially prescribed education system.

Those seven years, once viewed as a time of struggle and failure, were when I developed my artistic vision and sensibilities. My musical passions were forming, and I was reading widely — unfettered by the need to adhere to curriculum guidelines. While some school friends who were fully engaged with the system found themselves locked into debilitating career paths and yearning for retirement, I have happily bounced around in teaching, musical facilitation, and psychotherapy.

Now, past retirement age, I ask myself why I would ever retire. I love my passions: work, music, and writing. Like a piece of pottery repaired with Kintsugi, the cracks and imperfections of my past have been filled with the gold of experience and self-discovery. Because of these so-called flaws, I have become more whole and authentic, and I will continue pursuing what I love for as long as I can.

Using the lessons

In the end, Kintsugi teaches us that our brokenness doesn’t diminish us, it defines us. Each crack is a testament to our struggles, how we have survived, the lessons we’ve learned, and the strength we’ve gained.

These moments, though painful, give our lives depth and texture, just like the gold-filled veins in a repaired pot. Looking at my own life, I see that every failure, every loss, and every misstep has shaped me into who I am today.

It’s not about erasing the past or pretending the cracks aren’t there; it’s about honouring them as part of our story. So, as we gather our broken pieces, let’s remember: the beauty isn’t in perfection but in the courage to keep piecing ourselves back together, over and over again.

www.johnwaltercounsellor.com

Get in touch if you want help piecing yourself back together.

Image created by the author

An in-depth study of the connections in this article is found in Tomas Navaro’s Book (link below)

Navigating Emotional Healing in Therapy

Navigating Bereavement: A Counsellor’s Personal Journey Through Loss and Healing
December 18, 2024
Does Online Therapy Work?
What I’ve learned after years of working with clients across the UK

My first-ever therapy client wasn’t in a room with me. It was March 2020. They were too frightened to leave their home following a traumatic local event, and the pandemic made meeting in person impossible. We worked by phone.

Neither of us knew if it would work.

Twelve months later, when we ended well, I knew something I hadn’t known before: the room isn’t what makes therapy real. The relationship is.

The honest answer: yes, with the right therapist

Online therapy works. The research backs this up, and so does my clinical experience. Studies consistently show outcomes for online counselling are comparable to in-person work across a wide range of concerns, including anxiety, depression, relationship difficulties, and trauma.

But the research also shows what practitioners already know: the single most important factor in any therapy isn’t the modality or the platform. It’s the therapeutic relationship. Whether you’re on Zoom or sitting in a consulting room in Cornwall, what heals is being genuinely met by another person.

And the relationship survives the screen. The therapeutic alliance, the strongest predictor of whether therapy helps at all, forms over video much as it does in person. That surprised researchers at first; the assumption was that something essential would be lost. What the data kept showing was that the relationship turns out to be remarkably portable.

Online therapy doesn’t change that. In some ways, it deepens it.

What changes online, and what doesn’t

When clients work with me online, I can’t read the room in the same way. I’ve learned to listen more closely to tone, pace, and timing. Small shifts in how someone is breathing. Hesitations. The moment someone’s voice changes.

The body is still present, even through a screen. And often, clients are more settled in their own body when they’re at home: on their sofa, with a favourite mug, with their cat nearby. Small things that make it easier to settle and talk.

What doesn’t change is the quality of attention, the pace of the work, or the depth of what can be explored. I work with the same relational, depth-oriented approach online that I use in person. Psychodynamic. Person-centred. Attentive to how the body holds what the mind hasn’t yet found words for.

Who tends to do well with online therapy

In my experience, online therapy suits people who:
- Have chosen their therapist deliberately, often after searching and reading carefully
- Want to work without travel time eating into their week
- Live somewhere with limited local options, as many people in rural Cornwall do
- Feel more able to open up from a familiar environment
- Are managing a busy life and need the flexibility
That deliberate choice matters more than people realise. When someone has searched, compared, reflected, and then decided to work with a particular therapist, they arrive already invested. That investment shapes the work from the first session.

There’s also the plain practical fact of access. If you live rurally, the nearest suitable therapist might be an hour’s drive away, and the therapist who’s actually right for you might be three counties over. Online work means you choose a therapist by fit rather than by postcode, and fit matters far more than geography ever did.

What online therapy can’t replace

I’ll be direct about the limits too. Some clients need in-person work, at least to begin with. If someone is in acute crisis, or if their trauma responses are strongly somatic and they need someone physically in the room with them, in-person sessions may be more appropriate. We’d discuss that in an initial consultation.

Some people need the ritual of going somewhere: the journey there is preparation, the journey home is digestion. Some find screens tiring, or struggle to feel met through one. And online work depends on having somewhere private to talk, which not every home provides.

For couples, the picture is more nuanced. Online couples work is possible and I do it regularly, but the dynamics require careful management. I’ll always be clear about whether it’s the right fit.

A note on how I work online

Sessions are on Zoom. I don’t record sessions. If a client wants a written summary after a session, I can create one using secure, ethical tools, and only with their explicit consent.

I’m based near Bude in North Cornwall, and I work with individuals and couples across the UK. If geography has been stopping you from accessing the kind of therapy you’re looking for, it doesn’t have to.

The short version

Online therapy works because therapy has always been about the relationship, not the room. What matters is finding a therapist whose approach fits what you’re carrying, who you feel you can trust, and who will stay with you as the work gets harder.

If you’re wondering whether online therapy might be right for you, the best next step is a short introductory call. No commitment, no pressure, just a chance to see if it feels like a fit.

Book a free introductory call
October 15, 2024
Mind, Body, Soul, and Emotions: Finding Harmony in the Pieces of Yourself
A Personal Journey to Balance parts of myself

Published in ILLUMINATION on Medium John Walter 📣Therapy and creativity

An image created by the author in tribute to Mark Hartshorn — the four parts of self.

In creating the title image, I considered each tile to represent a different aspect of myself: my mind, my body, my soul, and my emotions. Some days, the pieces fit together perfectly. On other days, they feel jagged, disjointed, and hard to reconcile.

Over the years, I’ve realised that we comprise these four elements, each playing a vital yet distinct role. The challenge is figuring out how to give them all space to breathe, interact, and support each other without letting one dominate the others.

We live in a world that heavily emphasises thinking. From our early education to our professional lives, we’re taught that logical thought, intellect, and rationality are the ultimate tools for navigating life. However, I don’t believe that this was always the case.

In contrast, there are cultures deeply rooted in spirituality, where the seeker, someone who connects with something beyond themselves, takes centre stage. These traditions value intuition and transcendence as pathways to understanding.

Similarly, some communities prioritise action, the doers who trust their bodies to lead the way. They value experience and physical engagement as the primary means of comprehending the world around them.

Emotions are universal, yet how we experience or express them varies widely. For some, feelings are the lens through which life is understood, and connections are made.

This isn’t about choosing one modality over another. Rather, it’s about recognising that each of these aspects

the feeler, the thinker, the action-taker, and the seeker

plays a crucial role in the fabric of who we are. Embracing all these dimensions allows us to navigate life more fully and authentically.

It’s Not a Battle

Have you ever read those personal growth articles that make it seem like your emotions are the enemy? The ones that tell you to “master” or “control” your emotions as if they were wild animals needing taming? It reminds me of the stoicism of Victorian Britain, where showing weakness was seen as a failure. But emotions are not a battle to be won. They’re not something to conquer. They are part of who we are, woven into the very essence of our being, linking us to generations past.

Image Created by the author

The Feeler

I used to think acknowledging my emotions meant giving them power over me, but I’ve learned that tuning into my feelings allows me to live more fully. Emotions are messengers, little whispers from my ancestors, reminding me of the long, shared human experience. By listening, I gain the benefit of choice. Ignoring them, on the other hand, only keeps me disconnected from an essential part of myself.

Grief, sadness, joy — they all come from the same place. If you can sit with your pain, you open the door to experiencing joy in a deeper, more meaningful way. It’s not always easy, but it’s worth it. Acknowledging the trauma in your life enables you to embrace life more completely in the present.

All images created by the author.

The Thinker

Rational thought has become a cornerstone of modern life. It’s what distinguishes humans from other species, right? But here’s the thing: while thinking can help us plan, strategise, and reflect, it can also lead to overanalysis, anxiety, and burnout. We’ve put too much weight on the mind, letting it dominate our decisions at the expense of the other parts of ourselves.

Mindfulness has taught me to observe my thoughts without letting them consume me. I’ve found that the most profound insights often come when I stop overthinking and simply experience life.

Image created by the author

The Action-Taker

The action-taker in me loves to get things done. It’s the part that thrives on energy, momentum, and progress. But there’s a trap here, too, one I fell into more times than I care to admit. In our productivity-driven culture, it’s easy to equate being busy with success. I used to think that I was falling behind if I wasn’t constantly moving forward.

What I’ve come to realise, though, is that even the strongest action-takers need rest. Athletes know this. Without proper recovery, their bodies can’t function at peak performance. In the same way, our drive and motivation need space to recharge. Action doesn’t always mean doing. Sometimes, the most significant progress happens when we allow ourselves to pause.

Image created by the author

The Seeker

And then there’s the seeker — the part of me that looks for meaning, purpose, and connection to something greater than myself. In a world focused on tangible successes and external validation, it’s easy to neglect the seeker. But I’ve found that I start to feel lost if I neglect nurturing this part of myself.

The seeker in me doesn’t always need answers. Often, it’s the questions themselves that matter. Why am I here? How can I contribute to something bigger than myself? Seeking isn’t about finding a destination; it’s about embracing the journey and understanding that searching for meaning is a lifelong process.

Image created by the author

Harmonising the Four

Balancing these four aspects

feeler, thinker, action-taker, seeker

is an ongoing process. It’s not about giving one more importance than the others; it’s about learning to let them all have a voice in my life.

When I feel overwhelmed by emotion, I remember the value of connection and expression. When I get lost in my thoughts, I remind myself that thinking is a tool, not a ruler. If I push myself too hard, I step back and give the action-taker a break. And when life feels empty or aimless, I listen to the seeker and allow myself time to explore, reflect, and reconnect.

Image created by the author

Practical Tips for Daily Balance
- Start your day with intention: Ask yourself, How do I feel? Where is my energy today? Set a simple goal for which part of yourself needs attention.
- Create space for reflection: Whether it’s five minutes of journaling, meditation, or simply sitting in silence, give yourself time to listen to what each part of you is saying.
- Practice conscious action: When you take action, ask yourself, Is this aligned with my purpose? Or is it a reaction to external pressure?
- Balance thinking with feeling: After a long day of mental activity, spend time reconnecting with your emotions. Whether through art, music, or conversation, let yourself feel.
You create harmony by bringing all these parts together.

mind, body, soul, and emotions

None of them need to be suppressed or overpowered. They all deserve to be seen and heard. And in that balance, true growth happens.

Image created by the author

All images here were created by me using both traditional and AI tools to bring these ideas to life visually. It’s a way to express the balance I’m constantly striving for between

creativity, logic, action, and reflection.

Which part of yourself needs the most attention today?
October 10, 2024
Embracing Identity: Nurturing Acceptance Over Seeking Cures

If you identify as autistic or queer, you will know what this article is about. If not, it might enlighten you.

By John Walter, first published in ILLUMINATION-Curated 29/07/24

All images were created by the author with traditional and AI tools.

Many of us have moments or ongoing feelings that we don’t fit in. It can be the way we think, look, feel in our bodies, eat, and react to situations, smells, or noises. Maybe you can’t concentrate or sit still for as long as others or get overwhelmed with anxiety while others sail happily along.

For far too long, anyone who looks, behaves, eats, acts, dresses, talks, thinks, moves, plays, walks, or has sex differently to some arbitrary norm has been hidden from view, imprisoned, institutionalised, medically or psychologically abused. The list could go on. I think you get the picture. I am pretty cross about this.

The binary way of looking at people suits the white patriarchy. If you roll your eyes at this statement, just think about it. Slavery would never have had any traction if there wasn’t binary black-and-white thinking from white men. This thinking gave them control, power and money.

Queer acceptance

There was a death penalty against Gay men from the reign of Henry VIII until 1835. After that, Gay men were imprisoned or given invasive medical or mental health treatment.

The noted computer scientist, mathematician, and war-time code-breaker Alan Turing (1912–1954), convicted in 1952 of “gross indecency”. Turing was given a choice between imprisonment or probation conditional on his agreement to undergo hormonal treatment designed to reduce his libido. He accepted chemical castration via oestrogen hormone injections

The message was clear: there was something wrong with homosexuals, and they needed to be executed, contained or cured. This attitude is very pervasive and still held by some. Since the year 2000, there has been legal acceptance of the gay community, but we still have a way to go for social acceptance.

Transgender individuals are still persecuted. In 2013, the American Psychiatric Association updated the DSM-5, replacing “Gender Identity Disorder” with “Gender Dysphoria,” reducing the pathologization of transgender identities. However, in the UK, conversion therapy remains legal, and the government continues to restrict individuals’ rights to transition.

Neurodiversity acceptance

Dr Temple Grandin was diagnosed with autism at age 3, and the doctor recommended she be taken away from the family and institutionalised. Her mother had other ideas. Temple Grandin is now sounding the alarm on education systems that fail to recognize neurodiversity and may let visual thinkers like her fall through the cracks.

Temple and her mother accepted that she was different. Temple discovered her strengths, particularly in working with animals, and went on to become an internationally known speaker, writer, and academic.

Historically, society has treated anyone showing signs of diverging from the norm in thinking or behaviour as a pariah. They have been shut away from society because they go against deeply ingrained expectations and challenge the prevailing social order.

From Temple Grandin’s website

In 2013, the American Psychiatric Association revised the diagnostic criteria for autism. This greatly broadened the spectrum. It now ranges from brilliant scientists, artists, and musicians to an individual who cannot dress himself or herself. Over the years, the diagnostic criteria have kept changing. It is not precise like a lab test for strep throat. Labels such as autism, ADHD, sensory processing disorder or learning disability are often applied to the same child. In older children with no speech delay, the diagnosis sometimes switches back and forth between autism and ADHD.

It is time to accept there is no normal. We are all unique individuals and need to be accepted as such and accept ourselves. This would allow us to stop looking for cures and fixes and give everyone the space to live their lives as they see fit.

My journey of acceptance

I was — too touchy — too sensitive — can’t sit still — too anxious — a romancer.

I was diagnosed, given the label of having anxiety and heavily medicated.

This was medical abuse. It worked for society, but it didn’t work for me.

Then, the school stepped in with canings for being too rebellious.

I shut down and switched off but didn’t lose my soul. Looking back, it occurred as a going inward. Society wanted me to go to University and get a nice, safe job in science or engineering, and I was having none of it. To begin with, I strung them along, but around age 16, I’d had enough.

I was very clear that I wanted to work in the music industry. I didn’t make any effort to play along with the science courses I’d been forced to take in the sixth form, but I was imprisoned. Outside of school, I thrived writing songs, winning talent shows, and learning to sing in choirs.

Reaching 18, I was free. I left for London with £30 in my back pocket, and a week later, I had a job and a bedsit. Now, my education began. I could choose what to study, where, when, and at what pace. Given this freedom, I discovered a hunger for learning that has served me well.

As I hit my twenties, I accepted that I would be unlikely to fit into a standard job or career, and I created my own, which has changed with the wind over the past 50 years but has given me great contentment and satisfaction.

Embracing the Maverick: A Journey of Self-Discovery and Acceptance

Embracing Identity, Fostering Acceptance

The importance of embracing identity and nurturing acceptance rather than seeking cures or fixes cannot be overstated. Our societal norms have long been dictated by a binary perspective that suits the white patriarchy, marginalizing those who don’t fit into these narrow definitions, classifying them as sick, disabled or criminalising them.

Emphasizing the Importance of Acceptance:

It is time to recognize that there is no “normal.” Each of us is unique, and our differences should be celebrated, not cured, punished or hidden away.

Embracing identity means acknowledging and celebrating our differences. This allows everyone the freedom to live authentically.

By accepting ourselves and others, we create a society that values diversity and fosters true inclusion.

Embrace your identity. Celebrate diversity. Reject the binary and nurture acceptance.

July 31, 2024
Navigating Your Personal Depths

Embracing Long-Term Therapy for Lasting Change

First Published in Age of Empathy 10/05/24

All images created by the author using a variety of editing and AI tools.

We live in a quick-fix culture, from fast food to having access to instant gratification of our sensory needs. Music, videos, and art are all becoming available at the touch of a button. Instant solutions to every need are prized above putting in the work to experience these things in greater depth.

One of my greatest pleasures is cooking a Sunday roast for my family. Occasionally, when time is very limited, I may get a takeaway from the local curry house. Both approaches to family mealtimes have their place, but cooking a Sunday roast has so many more layers of pleasure for me and is much more likely to create lasting memories.

As with the choice between fast or home-cooked food when it comes to mental health, quicker is not always better. Why bother with months of expensive therapy when you can get everything you need in six sessions? Some therapists even offer single-session treatment.

Looking at it from the perspective of fast vs. home-cooked food, you get a quick hunger fix that requires little effort or engagement with fast food, but the satisfaction is fleeting and often leaves you feeling unsatisfied in the long run. Similarly, short-term therapy might seem efficient, providing a quick fix to psychological issues, but it often only scratches the surface of deeper emotional needs.

In contrast, long-term therapy is like preparing a home-cooked meal — it takes more time and effort, but the process itself is deeply satisfying and nourishing, often leading to more profound self-awareness and lasting emotional well-being. Just as a home-cooked meal can foster connection and create cherished memories, long-term therapy offers a space to deeply explore and understand one’s life, building emotional resilience that sustains through all life’s challenges.

Where quick-fix therapy has its place

Some psychological needs only require a brief intervention, and plenty of approaches are available to meet that need. CBT, EMDR, Hypnotherapy, and others are great for addressing a single identifiable issue.

This clip from a Psychology Today article sums it up

Drive-By Therapy

A Single Session Could Help If You:

Have a very specific problem, such as a new health diagnosis.

Wonder if a particular situation and your reaction to it is normal.

Have dealt successfully with life problems in the past.

Have faith that your troubles could be addressed by a brief intervention.

Longer-Term Therapy Is a Better Bet If You:

Want to understand your patterns of behavior and how they developed.

Have had repeated difficulties with family and romantic relationships.

Would like to accomplish more, but consistently shoot yourself in the foot.

Are suicidal, psychotic, or suffer from a condition requiring medication.

Like medicalised approaches, quick-fix therapy is about symptom management and does very little to avoid recurrence or deal with causes or deeply embedded emotional issues.

The deeper journey of long-term therapy

A wide range of therapeutic approaches could be described as “Depth Therapies” and it is impossible to list them all here. They largely fall under the umbrella of Psychodynamic, Humanistic and Holistic therapies. Behavioural approaches are mostly but not exclusively quick-fix.

In my Private Practice, I use an integrative approach, which means I have experience working with many modalities. As I work with a client, I bring in what they need. It is usually evident in the first session whether the presenting issues can be dealt with over a few weeks or whether many layers obscure deep underlying problems.

With agreement, we delve into all areas of an individual’s life history, their belief systems and how they began, their relationship patterns and a timeline of their emotional landscape.

Through this process, clients begin discovering the root causes of their psychological unease. We lay everything out, unearthing a long-buried overview of their life patterns. This process can facilitate transformational insights and enable the integration of complex emotions.

Client X (fictional) hadn’t left the house for three months. We worked over the phone for a year with no change in this presenting symptom of agoraphobia. It finally shifted through identifying undiagnosed autism, which gave a clear insight into their life choices, which had led to isolation and a solitary lifestyle. This transformational insight enabled the client to seek specific support and accommodations, eventually leading to re-entering the world of work and a richer social life.

Entering into a therapeutic relationship

The key element of most modern long-term therapy is the relationship you build with your therapist, and this will always take some time to develop. It is an essential element in the healing process for you to develop trust and feel safe to explore your innermost concerns without fear of judgment or criticism.

In long-term therapy, the counsellor slowly helps you build a psychological map of your inner world through the relationship. When you have developed an overview of your life-long patterns and emotional journey, you can work with your therapist to develop bespoke strategies to facilitate a transformation in the way you live your life.

One client used the metaphor of a spider web to describe how the relationship worked for them.

“When I arrived I was anxious about everything. I was only aware of a tiny section of the spider web where I sat cowering. If a leaf brushed past the web the whole thing would vibrate and I had no idea what it was causing the vibrations. I shrunk back further into a tiny limiting space. Over time in therapy I developed an overview of my whole life. I could see the whole web and how things interacted. The anxiety just disappeared by becoming aware of the causes.”

Sustainable Change and Personal Growth

The changes clients go through in long-term therapy are not predictable or the result of targeting specific issues. A sex addict may begin therapy thinking their addiction is the source of all their problems. Soon, they may become curious about why their obsession has diminished, but all the other issues in their life and relationships persist.

This realisation could prompt a much deeper dive into their underlying emotional landscape and past traumas. As they peel back the layers of their behaviours and motivations, they may discover that their addiction was merely a symptom of deeper unresolved conflicts. This exploration can lead them to confront painful memories and challenge entrenched beliefs about themselves and others, which have shaped their relationships and self-image for years.

In the safety of the therapeutic environment, they can begin to reframe their identity, moving away from seeing themselves solely as an addict and towards a more holistic view of themselves as a complex individual with unique strengths and vulnerabilities. This shift often brings about a profound transformation, not just in how they manage their addiction but in their overall approach to life and relationships.

This is the opportunity long-term therapy gives you. Changes made on a deep level will endure and evolve over time. You have not just managed some anxiety; you have set in process a phase of personal growth that is irreversible. Persistent depression is not just alleviated. You have opened up a doorway into self-awareness where you can make significant life choices more freely.

Making the choice for personal growth

If you view your challenge as a specific problem that needs solving, a short-term, targeted approach might be sufficient. However, if you recognize that, despite your best efforts, you are still limiting your own potential, exploring long-term therapy could offer substantial benefits.

What are you seeking — immediate relief, a profound transformation, or perhaps a blend of both? Do you envision yourself grappling with the same issues five years from now, or can you imagine a future where you are free from the constraints of your past? How do you balance the need for immediate results with the desire for deep, lasting change?

Remember, the first step on any journey is the most difficult. By taking that first step, your unique pathway will begin to reveal itself, leading you toward not just immediate solutions but sustainable, transformative growth.

Building Connections in a Disconnected World:

May 10, 2024
Unlocking the Potential of Your Unique Mind

How One Psychotherapist’s Self-Discovery of ADHD Challenges Conventional Diagnosis and Celebrates Neurodiversity

All Images created by the author using a variety of drawing, editing and AI tools.

Neurodiversity has only been a concept since the turn of the century and has been commonly used by professionals since 2010. This suggests that most education or mental health professionals have had to and, to a large degree, are still playing catch-up.

The only training they will have had will have been firmly rooted in the medical model of diagnosing autism, dyslexia, ADHD and other neurodevelopmental conditions in order to treat, cure or mitigate the symptoms.

The professions have had to make a massive shift in their thinking to embrace the neurodiversity model. As with any paradigm change, there will be dinosaurs and pioneers.

Some pioneers may have had their wings clipped by being taught by dinosaurs. Some major educational and mental health institutions are still controlled by dinosaurs, who may well temper the enthusiasm of new recruits flushed with pioneering spirit.

Before sharing my personal journey, I will outline a research conversation I had with ChatGPT, OpenAI’s language mode, which clarified how and when neurodiversity appeared as an idea. I asked questions regarding the history of the term Neurodiversity.

Before 2000, the professional training regarding neurodiversity, particularly in fields such as psychology, education, and healthcare, was primarily influenced by a medical model of disability. This perspective framed neurological differences — such as autism, ADHD, dyslexia, and other neurodevelopmental conditions — as disorders or deficits that needed to be treated, cured, or mitigated. The focus was often on identifying symptoms, diagnosing conditions, and implementing interventions aimed at helping individuals to adapt to societal norms or to “overcome” their differences.

The medical model has existed for around a century and still persists in some sectors despite a huge shift in understanding and research.

By the 2010s, “neurodiversity” had become a significant and recognized term in discussions about autism, ADHD, dyslexia, and other neurodevelopmental differences, extending into fields such as education, employment, and mental health. It emphasizes the understanding that neurodevelopmental differences should be recognized and respected as a social category, akin to ethnicity, socioeconomic class, sexual orientation, gender, or disability.

In my work as a psychotherapist, I am constantly aware of the friction between this medical model of dysfunction and the neurodiversity model of celebrating uniqueness.

On my own self-awareness journey, I have begun to recognise that there are parts of myself and my patterns of behaviour that could easily be interpreted as ADHD; however, these symptoms could also be interpreted as a trauma response, General Anxiety Disorder or a number of other diagnoses.

Embracing the Maverick: A Journey of Self-Discovery and Acceptance

I scored high on an online ADHD test.

I took several online ADHD tests and consistently scored medium to high. It reaffirmed my suspicion that these tests were as reliable as gauging opinions over tea and scones with my mother and her friends.

While it wasn’t shocking to score high, I don’t feel the need for validation from a supposed professional. The whole process of diagnosis and labelling feels like it belongs to an outdated medical model when it comes to addressing mental health.

Image created by the author using a variety of editing and AI tools

Back in 1965, at the age of 11, I was taken to the doctor. While I was considered bright at school, I couldn’t sit still. I was hyperactive and found it challenging to focus during dull lessons. This was two decades before ADHD was recognised in the UK.

In the eyes of the medical model, my behaviour probably appeared to be some form of anxiety disorder. I don’t recall feeling anxious, but how else could they explain this restless, nervy kid? So, they opted to sedate me, a treatment that, in modern terms, seems completely inappropriate and verging on barbaric.

What’s even more astonishing, however, is that despite these traits now being viewed through the lens of neurodiversity, 60 years later, there are still mental health practitioners and educators who only possess tools aligned with that outdated medical model, which tends to pathologise people, including those who are autistic or neurodiverse.

Recognising uniqueness

The alternative approach to diagnosing, putting into boxes, pathologising, judging and dismissing is to recognise and celebrate uniqueness.

This has always been the case with humanistic and holistic counselling or psychotherapy. We treat every client as a unique individual. We help to uncover and celebrate the authentic self. Diagnosis has no part in this process.

Clients often come to us previously diagnosed by professionals aligned with the medical model. It can be useful for the client as it gives them some search terms for internet research, but there is also a danger that they might focus solely on the pathologised parts of themselves.

It’s like they have been stamped with a barcode for easy internet access, and they slowly morph into a walking, talking version of that barcode.

Or, a gardener gives you an extensive list of all the weeds in your garden but neglects to mention all the beautiful, thriving plants that are also there. Armed with their list, you get a weedkiller that will destroy all the weeds, and your treatment takes down all the beautiful plants with it.

How I preserved my uniqueness

Teachers saw my creative leanings as a bunch of weeds. At options time, they refused to allow me to do Music, Drama, and Art. I was forced to study science and academic subjects. The result was that I gave up trying and left school with a miserable handful of mediocre results.

Twenty years on, I taught myself jazz piano to a professional standard, became a music technology teacher, worked professionally as a performing storyteller, and began creating my business as a drum circle facilitator. Forty years later, I am earning money by writing about therapy, art, and creativity.

No matter how I look at it, the whole school system seemed designed to prevent me from fulfilling my full potential. It invalidated my creativity and passion in training me to comply with societal norms.

I am very grateful that my creative leanings and passion were supported at home and in the community through Drama clubs, Choirs, and youth Club talent competitions. We had a beautiful baby grand piano that I spent much time with, and my need to emulate Jimi Hendrix’s guitar playing was mostly tolerated.

So, free from the constriction of school, I was able to fly a little freer, but the legacy of that time was that I have always felt that society would frown upon my need to go my own way, create my own path, and ultimately be myself—until now, of course.

Embracing Neurodiversity: Celebrating Uniqueness and Unlocking Potential

In my work as a counsellor, I come across children and adults of all ages who are diagnosed, self-diagnosed, and undiagnosed with a whole range of things related to Neurodiversity.

They are all unique and have a clearly individual understanding of how their minds and bodies work a little differently from what they perceive to be the societal norm. They all also have unique and different perceptions of societal norms.

People often fixate on discovering what’s wrong with them. But when did we lose sight of what’s right? Imagine if we redirected that energy towards uncovering and nurturing our unique talents instead of striving to fit into an arbitrary ‘normal.’ Such a shift could propel humanity forward in a gigantic evolutionary leap.

Turning an ocean liner around.

Shifting paradigms from viewing people as problems in need of fixing to valuing their unique differences is a monumental undertaking. It’s akin to steering an ocean liner in a new direction — a slow, laborious task demanding patience, persistence, and substantial effort.

When trying to redirect something as vast and entrenched as societal perception, there will be challenges from all sides. In Mental Health and education, challenges persist, and outdated models have been engraved into the DNA of our mental health and educational institutions.

Where can we begin?

As with any massive process of change, we have to start with ourselves. Are you celebrating your own uniqueness or constantly trying to fit in? Once you appreciate what it looks like for yourself, you can begin to recognise environments where it is happening for others.

Is your local school an environment that nurtures creativity, individuality and diverse ways of thinking? Does it foster growth and success for all individuals or just those that fit in?

Does your workplace plod along a well-worn path of expectations, or is it open to flexible working patterns and accepting diverse approaches?

Our uniqueness is a source of strength

I hope I have been clear that I am not claiming to have ADHD or not to have it. I really am not bothered about the boxes the medical profession tries to force us into. I am not an advocate for getting or not getting a diagnosis that is entirely up to the individual.

We shouldn’t need a certificate to show that we should be accepted for our strengths and diversity. I can see a future where neurodiversity is fully embraced and individuals are empowered to thrive authentically, contributing their unique talents to a more inclusive and understanding society, but I can’t predict a timeline for that.

I caught a glimpse of this paradigm shift 35 years ago while working at The Cotswold Community, a therapeutic children’s home for boys. There, a child-centred approach permeated every aspect of care and education. Tailored programs were created for each individual, both in their daily care routines and academic curriculum.

I witnessed children flourishing in this carefully managed environment. The work was held fast by a highly skilled therapeutic team working on psychodynamic principles headed up by Barbara Dockar Drysdale. Any sniff of behavioural principles, punishment or reward was swiftly banished under her watchful eye.

Sadly I had to leave for family reasons and I have been searching in vain for a similar environment in the intervening time. I have seen behavioural approaches take hold in all sectors of education and mental health, often for economic reasons, and the results have been catastrophic for many.

My hope is that the neurodiversity movement is at the forefront of a period of profound change where the medical, evidence-based approach to mental health is eclipsed by humanistic, experience-based models where individuals are empowered to thrive authentically, contributing their unique talents to a more inclusive and understanding society.

Each step towards embracing neurodiversity brings us closer to realizing the full potential of every unique mind.

April 21, 2024
Embracing Light in the Shadow of Loss

One father’s reflection on finding resilience, purpose, and connection after tragedy

Image created by the author

Trigger warning — This article mentions suicide, although it focuses on my reaction and how my life has changed since the event.

My daughter Holly took her own life six years ago. What felt like staring into or being consumed by a black hole has become quite different.

A black hole is only known to exist because of the presence of light around it. Or, as NASA put it:

A black hole is a place in space where gravity pulls so much that even light can not get out. The gravity is so strong because matter has been squeezed into a tiny space. This can happen when a star is dying. Because no light can get out, people can’t see black holes.

The moment my wife put down the phone, and I heard the words Holly and suicide in the same sentence, I felt that pull of gravity sucking all the light out of my world. Six years after the event, I can still feel that pull of gravity towards dark despair, but I can take a step back and notice how the black hole allowed me to appreciate the light around me more than I ever have before.

My Birthday Story

It was a joyous day. We awoke in our campervan in South Cornwall in brilliant sunshine and below-zero temperatures. After a glorious walk along the coast, we settle into a pub next to a log fire. What was billed as the best Sunday lunch in Cornwall is just that. We review the details of previous birthday and anniversary meals as always.

Top of the list is always the one Holly instigated at Ronnie Scotts on my 60th. We can now reminisce and think fondly of this and other events where Holly’s big personality features strongly. Arriving home midafternoon, my whole mood seems to change.

I am cold and exhausted. I warm up in the shower and then crawl under the duvet with a hot water bottle. Experiencing the light for a few hours has drawn my attention to the black hole that is constantly there. No one else can see it, and I know by now that it will not consume me or suck all the light out of my world. I am keenly aware of the light because of the black hole. If the black hole were not there, I would not be aware of the glorious light surrounding it.

Becoming self-aware became a necessity.

I have been on a self-awareness journey for 40 years from when I first went into therapy as a requirement for my job. It is never complete. It has stalled and faltered but went into overdrive the moment Holly left us.

Now, it seems like the only way I can hold myself together, and at the same time, it has become my passion and purpose. I was drowning in the strong currents of the ocean. Holly’s death has become the raft I cling to for riding the currents safely and steering my way into the future and the unknown.

Image created by the author

On her birthday

This is when we come together as an extended family—focused on a meal together, visiting the burial ground and standing high in the wind watching the river far below.

Our two children grew up in a little extended family group with an auntie and two cousins living a few doors away. Some of my strongest memories are of all seven of us around a meal table. Whether it was Sunday Lunch or a celebration, it was a precious time for me.

With children leaving home and leading their own lives, these gatherings became reduced to maybe once a year, with all seven of us plus occasional partners. In addition, we would occasionally get our two girls to join us for an anniversary or birthday.

Holly was always a strong force in uniting us for a celebration, and she still is. She draws us in to celebrate her birthday, and I, for one, revel in this excuse for this celebration of her glorious life.

Her death has not diminished my life

I am grateful to Holly for coming into this world and spending 28 years with us. Her birth and her death were both traumatic but a necessary part of her existence.

Illustration created by the author

The wound is the place where light enters you — Rumi

The first morning after she died, I felt the light entering but found it difficult to let it in. I stepped out of her flat into brilliant sunshine. I asked myself, “How can I feel joy in the sunshine after what happened?”

This was my first lesson in holding joy and sadness in the palm of one hand. Of course, the nature of her death will permanently devastate me. I will always have questions and doubts about my actions as a father. However, I cannot allow her leaving us to overshadow the amazing experience of living with her for 28 years.

Holly’s memory remains a guiding beacon, like the flash from a lighthouse reflecting on the surface of the ocean, simultaneously guiding the way and warning of danger.

When I sit with clients in my counselling room I can be a guide because I have experienced what it is like to crash upon the rocks or become overwhelmed by the waves. I have also experienced what it is like to take the helm of my craft and to purposefully and intentionally steer it into safer waters.

I am filled with gratitude to Holly for sharing her brief life with us, to family and friends for their support in navigating the treacherous waters of grief and to everyone in the Counselling Community who has swum alongside me whispering or shouting encouragement.

Also in the early years connecting up with groups such as The Compassionate Friends and Survivors Of Bereavement by Suicide was vital. I am also grateful to the charities Clarity and Cruse for giving me free or low cost counselling. (Links Below)

Thanks for reading to the end. Do get in touch if you are affected in any way by my writing and artwork. The links below my website are organisations that helped me in the early stages of grief.

johnwaltercounsellor.com

The Compassionate Friends

www.tcf.org.uk

Home | Clarity Counselling Services

www.claritynorthdevon.org.uk

The Cruse site was down while I wrote this so I accessed it through Counselling Directory

Cruse Bereavement Support

www.counselling-directory.org.uk

Samaritans – Here to listen

www.samaritans.org

REHAB4Addiction

If addiction is an issue for you after bereavement.

https://www.rehab4addiction.co.uk,

The SOBS UK site also appeared to be down.

https://uksobs.org/about/who-we-are

February 21, 2024
What to Expect in Your First Online Video Counselling Session

Embarking on the counselling journey can be a transformative step towards personal growth and healing. With the advent of technology, online video counselling has become an accessible and convenient option for many. If you are preparing for your first online video counselling session, it’s natural to have questions and perhaps some apprehension about what to expect. This blog post aims to demystify the process and set your mind at ease.

Building Connections in a Disconnected World:

Setting Up Your Space

Before your session, find a quiet, private space where you won’t be interrupted. Ensure your internet connection is stable and that your device is charged or plugged in. Test your camera and microphone beforehand to avoid any technical issues.

First Impressions

Your counsellor will likely begin by introducing themselves and explaining the confidentiality agreement. This is also your chance to share what brings you to counselling and what you hope to achieve.

Building a Therapeutic Relationship

Trust and rapport are the cornerstones of effective counselling. Your counsellor will strive to create a warm, empathetic environment, even through a screen. Feel free to ask questions and express any concerns you might have.

Understanding the Process

Counselling is a collaborative effort. Your counsellor will explain how sessions typically proceed, discuss the frequency and duration of therapy, and set some initial goals with you.

Exploring Your World

Be prepared to talk about yourself and your experiences. Counselling often involves discussing personal thoughts, feelings, and behaviours and exploring how these might affect your well-being.

Confidentiality and Safety

Your privacy is paramount. Online counselling platforms are designed to be secure, ensuring that your conversations remain private. Your counsellor will outline how they protect your information and what to do in case of a technology glitch.

Wrapping Up

At the end of the session, your counsellor may provide you with some thoughts to ponder or exercises to try before your next meeting. This is also a time for scheduling follow-up appointments.

Conclusion

Remember, feeling nervous about starting counselling is okay, but knowing what to expect can help ease those nerves. Your first online video counselling session is a step towards a more empowered and self-aware you.

John Walter online counselling

Therapy Finders

February 15, 2024
Understanding Trauma and Anxiety: A Guide for Choosing the Right Therapist
Exploring definitions, differences, and how therapy can help you heal

All illustrations created by the author

Anxiety is the body’s response to a perceived threat and part of the inbuilt and natural fight, flight and freeze response.

Trauma is the result of experiencing or witnessing something which is a threat physically or emotionally. The fight or flight responses persist even when no threat exists.

In this article, I will delve deeper into the differences and the connection between anxiety and trauma, helping you make informed decisions on your path to healing and well-being.

It’s essential to understand that not all anxiety is caused by trauma, and it would be overly simplistic to assume that anxiety is always a direct response to trauma.

We will explore therapeutic approaches for anxiety that can be helpful for trauma sufferers, although these approaches focus on managing symptoms rather than addressing the underlying trauma.

Finally, I will highlight the distinctions between long-term trauma treatment and addressing anxiety that may not be trauma-related, ensuring you have the knowledge to seek the appropriate support.

What is Anxiety?

Anxiety is a natural response to stress, meeting new people, public speaking, sitting exams and major changes in our lives. It is a reminder to us to prepare ourselves in some way. Are you anxious or excited? Is there any difference that you can distinguish?

Anxiety becomes a problem when it induces panic or stops us from doing things we could normally do. If we suffer from panic attacks, phobias or Social anxiety, this can begin to limit our lives in many ways.

OCD is a condition where anxiety results in repetitive, compulsive behaviours.

Understanding Trauma

There are many different definitions of trauma coming from the medical, psychological, philosophical and social sciences perspectives. I’ll leave you to do your own research on them, and here, I will discuss trauma in terms of my own and my client’s experience. My own conception of trauma probably encompasses a wider range of experiences than a single official model.

What I look for in clients is the sense that a fight, flight or freeze mechanism stays in place even when the threat no longer exists. If you were beaten up at a bus stop in town and you now experience anxiety and maybe panic attacks when you are anywhere near that bus stop or even any other bus stop, that is trauma-induced anxiety. The unconscious memories are affecting your normal functioning in your life somehow.

Typical effects of trauma are having nightmares or flashbacks, becoming aggressive, being unable to sleep well, and being avoidant or dissociating. Often, there are triggers to this behaviour. The connection of these triggers to the trauma may not be obvious on a conscious level.

An example of a secondary traumatic experience

Trauma is not necessarily something that happens directly to you. I have had traumatic responses to an incident with family friends when I was 14. I used to babysit for them. One evening, I came home to the news that their 2-year-old had been murdered. The impact of that evening has followed me through life and many therapy rooms.

Often, it is not the event itself which has the long-lasting effect but what happens before and after the event in terms of your relationship with yourself and others. I can remember feeling shame and guilt because I had been in a park fooling around with a girl when I could have been babysitting that night.

I was never able to express my feelings to anyone at the time. The bereft couple spent a couple of nights at our house. I didn’t get to go to the funeral. A silence descended. I packed it all up inside, afraid to speak in case it was all my fault.

Types of Traumatic Experience.

Consider life from birth to death. There are many opportunities for traumatic experiences. Your conception could be under traumatic rather than loving circumstances. Your months in the womb could be traumatic if your mother smokes, drinks, takes drugs or is subject to abuse of some kind. Maybe your pre-verbal years were traumatic and you have no visual memory of them. All of these experiences can be embedded in your subconscious.

As a child, you may suffer prolonged trauma. It is traumatic to a child not to have their basic needs met in terms of physical, emotional, conceptual and spiritual needs. A child normally learns self-control and independence under good enough circumstances. Excessive control by a parent, whether it be through physical, financial, emotional, or psychological abuse, can leave a child without the skills to develop into a self-confident and independent adult.

As an adult, trauma comes in many forms. Military personnel do not need to be in direct armed combat to experience trauma. Witnesses to violent or catastrophic events can suffer long-term trauma. People have experienced trauma through watching news of major disasters. Relatives and friends of those who take their own lives often relate long-term trauma responses. The death of a loved one can be traumatic, which is why it is so important to give people the time and space to grieve.

Key Differences between trauma and anxiety.

Anxiety is the body’s response to a perceived threat and part of the inbuilt and natural fight, flight and freeze response.

Trauma is the result of experiencing or witnessing something which is a threat physically, emotionally or existentially. The fight or flight responses persist even when no threat exists.

Illustration created by the author

Trauma begins in the body and emotions and affects the thoughts — Anxiety exists in the head and affects the body and emotions.

When we talk about anxiety, which is unrelated to past events, we see it as a concern or worry about something in the future. It may be seen as a cognitive response. Your thoughts and concerns about a future event begin to spiral out of control, which can induce emotional and physical responses such as difficulty breathing or panic attacks.

Trauma, on the other hand, begins as feelings in the body or emotions. It may be a feeling of unease which you cannot explain. You might find it difficult to concentrate, or your mind shuts down in certain situations. Anticipation of these feelings may, in turn, cause anxiety.

We will look at the treatment approaches below. I appreciate you may not be able to distinguish whether your anxiety is trauma-related or not. A trauma-informed therapist will be able to help you clarify this for yourself and assist you in creating an approach to healing that suits your specific circumstances.

Treatment Approaches

Therapy Options for Anxiety:

Every qualified counsellor or therapist should be able to work with anxiety, as it is one of the most common mental health issues.

The UK NHS suggests that CBT is particularly effective, but not everyone takes to this directive and prescriptive approach, and some suggest they recommend it for cost reasons because it is often offered in time-limited sessions. Many clients have approached me saying they tried CBT, and it didn’t work.

Therapeutic Approaches for Trauma:

Trauma-Informed Talk Therapy: Many qualified talk therapists have experience and/or training in working with trauma. This is likely to be long-term work, but it is able to plumb the depths of your experiences and create significant change in your life. Humanistic, Integrative, holistic or psychodynamic therapists all take slightly different approaches, which are best discussed with the therapist to see if you connect with them.

Somatic Therapy and Focusing: These approaches focus on exploring the experience of your body and emotions in the here and now. The energies released in trauma can become trapped in the body. You may explore physical exercises to release this energy. This may be a good place to start if you are already familiar with yoga and mindfulness approaches.

EMDR and CBT: are often recommended for PTSD, but I would approach these with care. They are very directive and can require you to relate or re-experience the details of your traumatic experience. This inherently holds the danger of re-traumatisation, and this could have the effect of shutting you down emotionally.

Co-occurrence and Dual Treatment:

Trauma survivors may resort to self-medication with alcohol, drugs, sex or other addictive pursuits. These issues can complicate therapeutic treatment for trauma and anxiety. You could be advised to undertake dual treatment with Rehab approaches and talk therapy alongside each other.

It is also true that anxiety in various forms can be associated with neurodiversity. If you are diagnosed or self-diagnosed as neurodivergent, it might be worth checking out The Association of Neurodivergent Therapists. Many therapists are experienced in working with neurodivergent clients, but some are not experienced in this area, so it is worth checking this out while you select a therapist.

Image created by the author

Seeking Help

Recognizing When to Seek Therapy:

Many people live a perfectly stable and comfortable life with moderate levels of anxiety and or mild effects of trauma. It is time to seek therapy when you feel your normal functioning in life is being compromised.

Maybe your anxiety levels are getting out of control, affecting your sleep or compelling you to avoid events or situations which are stressful. You may be taking time off work, losing any sense of joy or purpose in life.

People often seek therapy when a bereavement or other major life change has triggered depression or the onset of anxiety symptoms. Something may have triggered deeply buried trauma responses and these now need attention.

The Role of a Therapist

A trauma-informed therapist will begin by being a compassionate listener and aim to create a place of safety for you, the client. They are likely to engage in some level of psychoeducation in order to collaborate with you in creating some plan around your healing journey.

The therapist should prioritise safety, empowerment, and holistic well-being. They will allow you to lead the pace of the work while guiding you to explore those hidden areas of your life which may be difficult to access and explore.

Finding the Right Therapist

Qualifications and experience

A trauma-informed therapist can be well-qualified but not very experienced or, alternatively, very experienced with little or no specific training. You might want to explore their experience and training to see if it is very generalised or more specific. Possible specialisms are:
- Physical
- Emotional
- Sexual
- Interpersonal
- Developmental
- Complex
Does their specialism fit in with the issues you are bringing to therapy?

Safety and empowerment

You might want to ask about their approach to safety, boundaries and consent. Empowerment and collaboration are key aspects of successful trauma therapy. When seeking a therapist, pay attention to their communication style. Do you feel validated by their communication, as if they will be open to sharing your journey rather than pressuring you down a pathway you don’t want to go?

Compatibility and connection

A strong therapeutic relationship is essential for effective trauma therapy. Trust your intuition; you need to find a therapist with whom you feel safe, supported and understood. If you feel uncomfortable and challenged in the first session, like you don’t feel you can trust them with your deep secrets, then that is unlikely to develop into a useful relationship for trauma work.

Conclusion

Navigating trauma and anxiety can feel overwhelming, but seeking therapy is a courageous step towards healing and growth. Whether you’re grappling with past traumas or struggling with overwhelming anxiety, finding the right therapist is essential for your journey towards well-being.

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If you’re ready to take the next step in your healing journey and are interested in online therapy or face-to-face sessions in Bude North Cornwall, UK. I invite you to book an initial session with me through my website:

johnwaltercounsellor.com

If you feel some connection with me, we can explore your experiences together, build resilience, and work towards a more fulfilling life. Don’t hesitate to reach out — I’m here to support you every step of the way.
February 14, 2024